My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
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He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
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My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
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