I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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