so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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