Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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