I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.