He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me