he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.