I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated