Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES