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I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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