are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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