Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
