Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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