***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
