I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
