I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice