I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
These 21 People Came Up With Hilarious Excuses For Their Hickies
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.