Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
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He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
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Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.