This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
