I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
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The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
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Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade