I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
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Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
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I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.