Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not