I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.