he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
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you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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