the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
