That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
