Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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