Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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