Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
