I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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