i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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