you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
