I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
