...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
