my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
They are going to name an STD after you.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize