i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
