i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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