i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
