Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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