The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
