u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
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