I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
