"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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