So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
