okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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