True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
