i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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