How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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