you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
