I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
