she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
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I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
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We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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