Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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