Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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