worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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