I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
