She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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