Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
