OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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