She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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