I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
