he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize