she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
