forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
