i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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