It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
