You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
