the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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