it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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