I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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