I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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