Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
