dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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