my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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